Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from my family to yours. 

Wishing you health, happiness, love and laughter. 

See you all in 2016.

So Thankful

Not all of you are located in the US but to those of you who are I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving! If you’re not in the US I hope you have a fantastic Thursday!

I don’t necessarily believe I need a specific day to be thankful because I believe in expressing my gratitude on a daily basis. I am an extremely thankful person and I make sure people know how much I appreciate them and the things that they do. Gratitude and thankfulness equate to happiness in my mind. However, Thanksgiving is a fun holiday and a nice excuse to spend more time with family. My Mom, who is a teacher, gets the whole week off and it’s so wonderful with all 3 of us being home together.

This year has been a bit rocky, to put it mildly, but I’m so thankful for the way it all turned out.

I just realized I never posted the good news – My Dad is in remission! Multiple Myeloma never truly goes away but right now he is as cancer free as he is going to get and I’m so happy. We all are. I cried tears of joy when I heard the news and I’m so excited for what comes next in our lives. It was difficult to be separated this summer with him in the hospital in Portland and my Mom there to take care of him. We are looking forward to being able to go on a vacation soon!

I am, obviously, very grateful for science and modern medicine. Without it my Dad probably wouldn’t be here to celebrate the holidays with us this year so I’m so thankful he was able to receive treatment and get such good care from his team of doctors.

I am also grateful for the help that our friends and family gave us when we needed it the most. We had to set up a GoFundMe account and the outpouring of love and support was truly overwhelming in the most wonderful way possible. We never expected the kind of help we received but we couldn’t have made it without it. Thank you to everyone who helped us. We are forever thankful.

In general I am thankful for my parents because they are the most wonderful, kind-hearted, loving and caring people in the entire world. They are my best friends. They are my people and I love them more than words can say.

I am thankful for Cooper who always knows what to do whether it’s giving me a kiss when I’m feeling sad or barking to let my parents know that I’m having a seizure or snuggling in to me when it’s cold out. He is the most wonderful dog a girl, or anyone, could ever ask for.

I am also thankful for this little boy who came in to my life when I needed him the most. I thought my heart would never stop hurting after Parker went missing and while I still miss him so much Hunter has helped me in ways I never imaged he could. He has brought me so much joy, happiness, and love. I adore him so much and I know he adores me as well. He makes me laugh every single day and laughing is the best medicine. He is the world’s best cuddler and I’m so thankful to have him in my life.

I am also thankful for my blogs. I would be so lost without them. They gave me something to do when I felt like I wasn’t capable of doing anything. They have grown so much and I am thankful for each person who reads one, or both, of my blogs and interacts with me.

My heart is full and overflowing with love and I am so thankful for this life I live. 

Beautiful Basics Beauty Tips for the Unwell

Loving Life Despite the Pain...

I love my life. I live a very happy life and I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful family. I’m really happy but when I sit down to write updates for this blog I can only think of negative things to write about involving my health. I always want to be real with you all and that means sharing the details of my pain but I don’t want any of you to think for one second that I’m miserable or depressed.

Yes, sometimes I get a little down and wind up feeling sorry for myself (don’t we all, sick or not?) but I try my hardest to keep a cheerful and positive frame of mind even when the pain has knocked me on my ass. Every time I sit down to write though I feel myself complaining through my text and that’s not what I want to do.

The pain has just been so extreme lately. My head hurts so much, all of the time, and the spikes are almost unbearable. I’m so lucky to have such amazing parents who understand and do whatever they can to help me. It still hurts though. My bones feel like the break, randomly throughout the day, or they feel like they’re being crushed under a tremendous and forceful weight.

I’m also currently in a mood where nothing tastes good so I don’t want to eat anything. And, as always, I’m so exhausted and no amount of rest seems to do anything to alleviate how tired I feel inside and out.

Despite the pain, I’m still in a good place. My family and I have been spending so much time together and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. We went on a day trip on Sunday and had the best time. Hunter and Cooper are the perfect cuddle buddies and there’s a lot of great TV to watch. Life is good. I’m also super excited Christmas is coming up so quickly. I’ve been having a lot of fun shopping online. I actually started a few weeks ago. I love seeing what kind of deals I can get on things for my family.

And I moved and remodeled both of my blogs! I’m really happy with Beautiful Basics actually but not with the way this one turned out so I’m going to keep working on it when I feel well enough to do so. It came out so bland looking. What do you think?

In a side note, I really need to find a new doctor.

Okay, that’s about it. How are you doing? Do you have anything you want to share or any questions you have for me? Also, let me know what shows or movies you’re currently loving since I’m always looking for new things to watch and would love your recommendations.

Update

I’m not going to apologize for being absent from BYDLS for so long because I’ve apologized too many times before. It’s just been a really strange few months and this is always the first thing to fall to the wayside. I figured its time for a little life update, though, so let’s get started.

My family was gone for almost 2 months this summer because my Dad had his Bone Marrow Transplant. The poor guy was in the hospital for almost a month and it definitely wasn’t the easy thing any of us have ever been through. He was not doing well for a while there but he’s on the mend now and each day he gets a little better and a bit stronger. He has a great attitude and outlook and is remaining optimistic and is extremely active.! He lost all of his hair, of course, and it has started growing back. Each night it seems to double when he sleeps and then he wakes up with more hair than he had the day before. He just reached a huge milestone, Day +100, and he just had another Bone Marrow Biopsy. We should get the results in a week or two but his blood counts are on the rise and are almost normal. I’m so thankful for how well he is doing.

 My poor Mom, who is a high school teacher, forfeited her summer to take care of my Dad (which she’s not complaining about at all) and is now back in school helping to shape the young minds of our community. I really wish we could send her on some amazing relaxation retreat so she can recharge a little but Thanksgiving break isn’t that far away and she’ll be able to have some time off in no time. Again, she hasn’t complained but my Dad and I feel so sad for her. She's been working so hard and then she comes home and takes care of us.

Cooper, our pup, had a really rough summer as well. He loves and adores me but he experienced some major separation anxiety without the whole family here. He’s doing better now and is just happy that we’re all together.

Hunter is a cat, so he’s always content.

As for me, I’m okay. I’ve been having a really hard time with my head lately and the migraines have been out of control. I've had a few days where I thought "this is it". That sounds so dramatic, but it's the truth.

My nose bleeds have also started again. I’ve been getting bloody noses since I was 11 or 12 and everyone always told me I would grow out of them but I’m 28 now and I haven’t grown out of them yet.

I actually wrote this a couple of months ago and I’m not sure why I never posted it. I’ll post a more recent and detailed update next week.

Do you like the new page? Leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Also, let me know how you’re doing! I’d love to catch up!

A Different Kind of Summer

I have a lot going on in my life right now and I thought now would be the perfect time to update you all.

I think I mentioned this on my Facebook page but if you missed it: My dad has cancer. He actually has Multiple Myeloma, the same type of cancer that Tom Brokaw has. It's a fairly rare type of blood cancer. He's been undergoing chemo treatments for the past 5 months but we are now moving on the next step – a bone marrow transplant!

Just so you know, Multiple Myeloma never goes away. He will never be cured but he can go into remission. The transplant helps patients be healthy for an average of 5-8 years before the Multiple Myeloma returns and treatments have to begin again.

We live in a very small town in Southern Oregon. His oncologist who has been treating him is in Eugene, which is about 3 ½ hours away. We've been going up once a month since December. The transplant, however, will take place in Portland. Portland is 5 hours away. My Dad will have to remain in the hospital for about 3 weeks and then will have to stay within 20 minutes of OHSU (Oregon Health and Science University) for 30-45 days afterwards. In that time he will need a round the clock caregiver in the form of my Mom. Luckily my Mom is a teacher and has the summer off.

My parents will be leaving me, our pets, and our home for this journey on the 6th of July. We are more than ready for this to happen but it's still quite stressful and requires a lot of planning. They will be staying in an extended stay hotel for the duration of their time again. Thankfully we have great insurance and wonderful friends and family members who donated to our GoFundMe account to help us with expenses.

I'm so excited for this next step because it means my Dad is on the road to recovery. Cancer truly effects everyone involved and not just the person with the diagnosis. It's been a rough year but I'm hoping the second half of 2015 will be incredible. It will be a long road to being fully recovered though. It will take a full year for his immune system to be built back up. I'm sure it will be difficult for all of us. He won't be able to spend time outdoors or do many of the things that he loves. In fact, he can't even be very affectionate with our pets. I was planning on taking them back and forth while he was recovering because animals are healing but he can't be in contact with them for a while.

We usually go to the coast a couple of times over the summer but, of course, this year is going to be a bit different. I'm bummed to have to be separated from the two people I love the most in this world. I'm also a bit nervous that I'll have to take care of myself. Sometimes when I'm having a terrible attack I'm unable to do so but I know I have to be strong for my parents, and especially for my Mom who will have enough to worry about with my Dad.

I apologize in advance if I don't post very much this summer on this blog. I'll try to get new content up when I can but I can't make any promises.

Missing Out

I keep trying to picture what my life would have been life had I never gotten sick. I'm having a hard time imagining who I would be, what I would be doing, and what I would expect out of life.

I got sick at a time when everyone else my age was figuring out what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. They got to look toward the future while still being able to try different things. They got to meet new people, try new things, fall in love, and be young with years ahead of them to get serious and figure it all out. Some were continuing their education while others were finding the career path they wanted to take and others were starting families.

Getting sick changed all of that for me. Instead of getting to be free and in my early twenties I had to put everything to the side and learn how to live while being ill. I can't lie and say that I don't feel like I missed out on a lot but I do feel like I made up for it in other ways.

If I magically got better, I wouldn't even know how to start living a "normal" life. What skills do I have? What do you put on a resume after being ill and unable to work for 6 years? What skills have I developed in that time? I guess I could put things like:
· Able to show extreme patience while waiting in doctor's offices for appointments
· Has good veins and is able to have blood drawn quickly and easily
· Has learned how to push through pain and only take painkillers when pain is beyond unbearable
· Excellent at binge watching television shows when too weak to do much of anything else

So there we go, even if I was well enough to work, what would I do? It's a scary thought, although it's obviously not one that I need to worry about now. I'm just too sick to work and at the rate my illness is progressing I can't see myself ever entering the work force again.

There's so much more to it than just not having a career or a specific path that I want to take. It's also about who I could have been and all of the things normal twenty-something's are supposed to do. What about all the boys I didn't get to date? The friends I didn't get to make? I can't go back but I also don't know how to do those things now. Did I just completely miss out of my twenties because I'm sick? What are my thirties going to be like without getting to experience all of that?

Loss of Control

My body isn't working like it should, and it's scary. I guess my body hasn't worked properly since I first got sick 6 years ago but it's getting worse. I'm losing control over my muscles and it's upsetting. I'm angry about it. I'm also sad.

I'm getting weaker with each passing day and the control I have over my body is becoming more and more erratic. I try to do things and find that I can't. I have to work really hard to make specific motions. I've nearly lost my ability to text on my iPhone and typing on my keyboard is becoming increasingly difficult. My fingers and my brain aren't connecting in a way that makes it so I can do what I should be able to do.

I have so many spasms that I'm afraid to handle delicate things made of glass or anything fragile. I throw things when I'm trying to move them or I drop them and lose my grip when I'm simply trying to hold something. I tried to pick up a glass yesterday and I couldn't open my hand and hold it. Today I tried to rip off a piece of foil to cover something with and I was unable to tear it. Instead the entire roll fell out of the box and unraveled on the floor. A couple of days ago I tried to put some leftovers in a bowl and I ended up throwing the bowl on the counter and then I couldn't pick it back up so my Mom had to do it.

Walking is becoming more difficult. I have to focus really hard on where and how I want to move. I have to move slowly in order to get where I want to go. Going up and down stairs actually hurts, which is an awful thing to experience when you live in a 3-story house. Today I missed a stair and ended up on the bottom but couldn't pick up my feet so I just kept kicking the ground.

My brain is able to understand how abnormal it is and what needs to be done to correct the movements but my body can't. I'm having a hard time comprehending my loss of coordinated muscle movements. I'm in my late twenties and I should be able to do these simple things.

What's really going on?

You all might probably know, if you're reading this blog, that I was diagnosed with Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I'm not entirely convinced that this diagnosis is accurate. Lupus is an illness that has remissions and flares. I have not once even been in remission in the 6 years that I have been sick.

While I do think Fibro is a correct part of my illness I think my symptoms like up more with Multiple Sclerosis, or MS. In the beginning every single medical professional thought that it sounded and looked like I had MS but my MRIs all came back showing no lesions on my brain. I wonder if I were to get another MRI now, 6 years later, if the lesions would show up.

I'm only getting worse and it really makes me wonder what is actually going on inside of my body and brain. Maybe I have all 3. Who knows?

If you're sick, like me, do you feel like you have the right diagnosis?

A Loss of Control and OCD

I originally had a post scheduled to go live today about the clothes that I wear that are comfortable even during my most painful days. Believe it or not, clothing is especially tricky when you're ill and in pain. That post will still go up, maybe next week, but an issue came up that I think is more pressing.

As I have lost control of my body and of my health I have developed OCD. I want to say, quickly, that I truly believe humans are creatures of habit and ritual and that all of us have OCD to a certain extent, however small or large. My OCD is growing increasingly more pronounced as my health becomes increasingly worse.

It makes sense, when you really think about it. A loss of control is really hard to deal with, in any sense, and so trying to make up for it in any other area is a totally normal and understandable response. The fact that it's normal doesn't make it any less embarrassing.

I can't stand germs. I can't stand being dirty. If someone is smoking near me (side note: eww) I need to come home and shower right away. If someone is hacking and coughing near me I need to come home and shower right away. I need to wash my clothes right away. I don't like the idea of touching things that many strangers before me have touched. It's not every single time, but it's enough to be something I need to work on.

Maybe we can chalk that up to being immune compromised. I can get sick very easily so maybe I just don't want any chance of catching something. That would be a good idea, except…

I can't go to bed without washing my face, feet, and hands. I can't stand the thought of bringing the dirty world and all of its germs into my bed at night. I have to wear fresh clothing to make sure everything is clean.

Sometimes I shower, go out, and then have to come home and shower again. This isn't every time but it's enough that I feel ashamed. Yesterday, for example, I went to the grocery store with my Mom after I showered and I had to come home and shower again. I had shampoo drip all over me and the smell was bothering me and people were coughing all over the store. My Mom knew I was showering again but I was so embarrassed about my Dad finding out that I got dressed quickly and blow-dried my hair so he couldn't tell.

I even feel embarrassed telling you all this, but there's a reason. I think it's okay to feel like you have lost something when you become ill and it's okay to try to make up for it in other ways. Have any of you felt like you've lost control being sick? Or dealt with OCD?

Ice Ice Baby

I think one of my scariest symptoms is when I'm struck in the head. The pain is always so immense and unbearable. I usually lose the ability to speak properly and I get really confused and upset. I also get migraines but these 'lightning bolts" are something else entirely. It's so hard to describe them to people, doctors or otherwise. Sometimes it's like getting struck with a lightning bolt or having a knife being forced into my brain or the other night I had to ask my parents what the grim reaper carries with him because that's what it felt like. By the way, it's called a scythe or a sickle. I swear I could even feel the curve in my head.

We made a discovery a couple of weeks ago, well my Dad actually did, and when this happens my neck and head are usually on fire. I develop a crazy fever so my Dad decided to try icing my neck in order to cool me down. It helps so much! I don't understand why my blood boils and my brain starts to fry but cooling my body down is one of the only things that truly helps. It helps me regain my ability to speak, tones down the pain dramatically, and eases my confusion. This might be why hanging out in my pool in the summer has a tendency to make me feel better.

Have any of you experienced anything like this?

I have a collection of ice packs and wraps but I'm planning on buying one of these Ice Kaps soon. It's a bit pricey and I'll look pretty silly wearing one but I'm okay with that and will do anything to find some relief. I love that it has a place to put a pony tail through!

All is NOT Fair in Love & Illness

Let's talk about dating and relationships. This post is something I debated on writing about because I don't think it applies to everyone but it does to me. So please keep in mind that I'm only talking about my personal opinion about life as it pertains to me and no one else.

I don't date. I don't have relationships. I don't even flirt.

The last time I had a boyfriend or any type of romantic relationship was when I was 21 and I don't plan on changing that any time soon. Part of the reason is the fact that I have much higher standards than I did when I was younger and haven't met anyone who has made me want to change my relationship status but the biggest factor is that I don't believe that it's fair for me to date.

When you're ill it's hard to commit, period, to anyone or anything. I never know how I'm going to feel so I can never make plans. I am also progressively getting worse so I don't think it's right for me to form any bonds and make someone else become part of my world. I'm in pain all of the time. I can't always control my body and/or my brain. I lose the ability to speak and/or walk. I have panic attacks and anxiety that keep me home. I have such extreme headaches that I cry for hours. I'm so exhausted most of the time that I'm not capable of doing the things that I wish I could be doing. All of these things combine to equal a situation that I have learned to accept, and that my parents have accepted, but it's not something that would be fair for someone else to have to deal with.

My Mom was speaking to one of her friends about this theory that I have about not dating and the friend said, "tell her to watch Sweet November and A Walk to Remember". I like both movies and I get the point that it's better to have love even if it's not the normal, traditional kind of love but I just can't stand the idea that I could be holding someone back from experiencing life. I feel bad enough for my family, who love me through sickness and in health.

I just realized this sounds kind of like a cry for attention but I promise I'm okay with my decision to not date. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because my life now is different than the life of someone with no illness.

As for flirting, I've never been capable. My family and friends always point out guys who check me out and I just don't get it. I never see people looking at me and when I do catch someone staring at me I always assume that it's because I have food all over my face or something. LOL! I simply don't understand any of it.

I have the only men I need in my life – my Dad, my dog Cooper, and my cat Hunter.

Different does not mean better or worse. It simply means different.

Someone once asked me how I stay so cheerful and positive while living with illness and the answer is really simple, life is good. Despite all of the crazy ups and downs that accompany being sick, I am happy because my life is wonderful and as long as I'm breathing I will continue to be happy.

Of course I get sad and feel down sometimes but I'm an extremely firm believer that life is what you choose to make it. I can be miserable and unhappy and feel sorry for myself but why? Life is short and I want to be happy every second that I possibly can.

I am not the person I thought I would be and my life might not be what I imagined it but that doesn't mean it's bad. I am in a totally different place than I could have ever dreamed of when I was a kid but different doesn't mean better or worse. It simply means different and once you realize that it's all about how you decide to feel about life as a whole. Enjoy the detours in life. You are who you are, so embrace it and love yourself and love your life because you don't get to do any of it over.

I like who I am even though I'm not the world famous news anchor that I had dreamed of becoming. I like who I am even though I'm not perfectly healthy. I like who I am even though I live with my (wonderful) parents instead of owning my personally designed dream home. Dreams are nice but plans change and it's okay to be happy with the version of you that is currently real instead of the version of you that you dreamed of becoming.

Whether you're ill or not it's important to remember that it's okay to love yourself and accept who you are right now. You are perfect as you are.

And if all else fails simply remember my motto:
Different does not mean better or worse. It simply means different.

Greater Understanding

My 28th birthday is in 11 days and I'm so glad to be celebrating another year of life. I think most people only get better with age and I'm one of them. I love my fine lines and the gray hairs I find atop my head (I actually have quite a lot but they are so white they look blonde). I'm grateful to be turning another year older, because not everyone gets to.

I can't tell you how many times I have gone to bed, since I first got sick at 22, thinking I wouldn't make it to the morning because of the amount of pain my body and mind were experiencing. I was either in so much pain I couldn't imagine how I could possibly make it through and live to see another day or I felt like something was so wrong inside of my body that it was my time, the end of the line. Even though those moments are really terrifying they are also eye-opening. There are lows in life but there are many more highs and reaching those rock bottoms lead you up to new places you didn't expect. Each of those bad moments have led me to a place of enlightenment and while I still don't know the answers to the biggest mysteries of the universe I do feel like I'm smarter than the average bear, and for that I am thankful.

Sometimes I think back to my pre-sick days and I just didn't have the outlook on my life that I do now. I feel like I understand life and what it is all about a lot better than someone who has never been ill. Nothing makes you realize what really matters in life more than getting sick and all of the ups and downs that go with it.

I appreciate the little things as well as the big ones. I deeply and profoundly appreciate when I'm having a good day and I feel almost physically and/or mentally normal, but I'm also okay with the bad days because even though not every day is good, there is always good in every day. I am thankful for my family – human and furry, how much healthier (minus the cancer) my Dad is since he received his heart valve replacement, the way my Mom lights up when she talks about her students and how much she loves teaching, the two furry little guys who make my every day a little brighter, each breath I am lucky enough to take, every new thing I learn, the nature around me that I get to look at and enjoy, sitting on the patio enjoying the sunshine with Cooper at my feet and feeling the warmth on my face, the laughter of my loved ones, the snores of my little furry ones while they sleep, getting a letter/card/package in the mail, inside jokes, laughing so hard it hurts, fresh flowers (until they die, and then I get a little bummed), receiving a thoughtful post on my Facebook wall or a friendly e-mail… Some of those are slightly random and that's just a small sampling of things that make my life beautiful but the point of the matter is that I am so grateful for all of the things, regardless of how big or small they may be, that I get to experience in my life. Life is what you make of it.

Some people tend to get lost in thinking that some things matter in life when the truth is they don't. Things don't matter. The car you drive or the designer bag you carry, they don't matter. What other people think about you doesn't matter. People who don't love you or like you don't matter. All that matters is living life, loving the ones you want and need around you, and how you think and feel about yourself. I'm not saying that I'm an expert on life or what the meaning of life is but I think I've got a pretty good handle on it.

I really wish that everyone could truly understand the world, the way I do, without having to get sick. I'm so happy that I am able to see the world in such a special and unique way.

I'm thankful to be alive and I really couldn't ask for more.

My Heart

When I was 20 years old I had heart surgery. It was a fairly simple cardiac ablation but it was still a really big deal in my life. After years of being in and out of the emergency room and cardiologists offices with no relief from a heart condition that was a huge part of my daily life I was finally getting fixed.

It started when I was in my second year of college. I would get really dizzy, light-headed, and unable to breathe. It continued for the rest of the year, progressing with each passing day. It got so bad that in my junior year of college my parents started taking me to the hospital when I had really bad attacks. I would stand up and fall over, unable to catch my breath or slow my heart down. My resting heart rate was around 180, which is more than double what the average heart rate for someone my age was. When I was having an "attack" it was upwards of 210.

So many doctors told me in the ER that there was nothing wrong with my heart since I was a 20-year-old girl and 20-year-old girls don't have heart conditions. After more ER trips than I can count I finally saw a doctor who diagnosed me with Supraventricular Tachycardia. In the most basic terms PSVT is essentially when the heart beats so fast that the heart muscle cannot relax between contractions and in turn can't supply enough blood and oxygen to the body or the brain.

I was put on Beta Blockers, which caused me to sleep the majority of my days away. I had the surgery that February (Valentine's Day, to be exact). Cardiac Ablation is where the doctor goes in through the femoral artery and cauterizes heart muscle and tissue to allow it to pump better. My surgery went well, with the exception of my artery bursting while I was in recovery. They keep firm pressure on the incision for a certain amount of hours after the procedure before you can get up and when my nurse helped me up my artery opened up and sprayed blood everywhere so I had to stay longer than expected.

Yes, that's me shortly after my surgery. I slept in this exact position for hours.
I woke up long enough to eat a roll and then went back to sleep.

My heart was "normal" for several years after my procedure and I'm thankful for those good years. However, my heart is getting worse and worse. I'm not sure if it's the same condition – actually, I don't think it is because it feels completely different. My heart stops, never for very long but long enough that it hurts and I lose my breath. I can't walk very far or up and down the stairs because I get very faint and can't breathe. After it stops it continues in a bird like fashion. I describe it as "fluttering". I have a hard time standing up and often fall to the floor and have to calm my heart and take in oxygen slowly before I can get going again.

In other words, I think I have the heart of a 90-year-old woman who is extremely out of shape. Since I'm still feeling angry and disappointed in doctors as a whole, I'm putting off going to a cardiologist but I have a feeling that one day I'll need another surgery. I'm enjoying the non-fluttery moments for now though.

15 for 2015

Stop shopping online so much.
I spend so much time shopping online, whether it be "window" shopping or actually clicking purchase. There are better things to do with my time than online shopping!

Keep up with laundry.
I always get overwhelmed with laundry. It would be so much easier to do each load as it becomes ready instead of waiting to do 20 loads all at once.

Take Cooper on more walks.
He's a good boy and good boys deserve lots of walks.

Take up a new hobby.
I say this every single year. I don't know why it never works out. Any suggestions?

Find ways to keep calm and have less anxiety, or develop new ways to cope.
Anxiety is a big jerk and I need to figure out how to keep it from bullying me.

Push myself outside of my comfort zone more often.
This goes with what I said above. I get such bad anxiety that I tend to just stick to what I know. I like to be home and in my safe place. You can't learn and grow, though, if you never push yourself and leave your comfort zone. I think I have been getting better at this since I've been making more of an effort to do things and interact with strangers but I still have work to do.

Read one book a week.
I love to read but when I'm in a really bad flare and I can't see right I have a really hard time reading so we'll see how this one goes.

Cut back on watching YouTube videos.
How dumb is this one? I honestly spend way too much time on YouTube and I'd like to cut back.

Make some new friends.
Easier said than done at my age. Anyone else think that making friends after college is one of the toughest things ever?

Spend less money.
I try to be a saver but tend to be a bit more of a spender.

Use up the products that I have and wear the clothes that are in my closet.
I have a tendency to want new products before I've used up my old ones and new clothes even though there is nothing wrong with the ones that I have. I think we all do this but I want to make a solid effort to use what I have.

Set a Beautiful Basics schedule and stick to it. Pick a set time to write and edit photos every day, like a real work schedule. Stick to a regular posting schedule as well.
I've been terrible at being consistent with my blog this year and I want to do a better job in 2015.

Make more of an effort to write and post on BYDLS.
It has been a struggle to keep up with BYDLS and I need to try harder to keep up to date.

Be kinder and more respectful to myself.
I am my own worst critic and I need to be kind and gentle with myself. We all need to be nicer to ourselves.

Cut back on salt.
I'm a saltaholic and salt isn't very healthy. I seriously salt everything and I want to cut way, way, way back on sodium. I think this is going to be tough. I've tried before but I constantly crave salt!

Do you have any resolutions or goals for 2015?