Wednesday, April 22, 2015
All is NOT Fair in Love & Illness
Let's talk about dating and relationships. This post is something I debated on writing about because I don't think it applies to everyone but it does to me. So please keep in mind that I'm only talking about my personal opinion about life as it pertains to me and no one else.
I don't date. I don't have relationships. I don't even flirt.
The last time I had a boyfriend or any type of romantic relationship was when I was 21 and I don't plan on changing that any time soon. Part of the reason is the fact that I have much higher standards than I did when I was younger and haven't met anyone who has made me want to change my relationship status but the biggest factor is that I don't believe that it's fair for me to date.
When you're ill it's hard to commit, period, to anyone or anything. I never know how I'm going to feel so I can never make plans. I am also progressively getting worse so I don't think it's right for me to form any bonds and make someone else become part of my world. I'm in pain all of the time. I can't always control my body and/or my brain. I lose the ability to speak and/or walk. I have panic attacks and anxiety that keep me home. I have such extreme headaches that I cry for hours. I'm so exhausted most of the time that I'm not capable of doing the things that I wish I could be doing. All of these things combine to equal a situation that I have learned to accept, and that my parents have accepted, but it's not something that would be fair for someone else to have to deal with.
My Mom was speaking to one of her friends about this theory that I have about not dating and the friend said, "tell her to watch Sweet November and A Walk to Remember". I like both movies and I get the point that it's better to have love even if it's not the normal, traditional kind of love but I just can't stand the idea that I could be holding someone back from experiencing life. I feel bad enough for my family, who love me through sickness and in health.
I just realized this sounds kind of like a cry for attention but I promise I'm okay with my decision to not date. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because my life now is different than the life of someone with no illness.
As for flirting, I've never been capable. My family and friends always point out guys who check me out and I just don't get it. I never see people looking at me and when I do catch someone staring at me I always assume that it's because I have food all over my face or something. LOL! I simply don't understand any of it.
I have the only men I need in my life – my Dad, my dog Cooper, and my cat Hunter.