Age and Gratitude

People react so strangely to aging. There is nothing more natural than getting older with each passing day and so many of us don’t get to do it as long as we would like but there’s still a very bizarre stigma around the aging process and I just don’t understand it.

You always hear those women joking about how they’ve been 21 for the past 8 years or someone refusing to state their age aloud, but why is that? What could possibly be embarrassing about being able to grow older?

When you’re younger time seems to go pretty slowly and each birthday that arrives is such a special and exciting day but sometime between then and now birthdays become something to dread because how in the world could you possibly want to celebrate another year?

I’ve never understood it and maybe that’s because I never thought I would live to be (almost) 30. I was 22 when I got sick and each year since has truly been a gift, something I never thought I would get. With each year that passes I am reminded how lucky I am to still be here. It is an honor to be as old as I am.

When I turn 30 on the 10^th of April I will be full of joy and full of pride. Each silver strand I find atop my head is so beautiful and is such a special reminded of the past 30 years. Each smile line, every fine line and happy little crinkle around my eyes is a happy reminder about the life I’ve led to this point. Each day I’m alive is a blessing. I will always be grateful for whatever age I am.

I’ve had people say things like, “Oh, you’re turning 30? How are you doing? It’s scary to turn 30.” But I don’t feel scared or sad or upset that I’m not longer in my 20s. My 30s are going to be a brand new decade of my life to live and experience as many things as possible. It will be a brand new chapter of my life in which I can make memories and live each day with a heart full of love and optimism. I will get to spend time with the ones I love and be as happy as I possibly can be. Of course, I fully understand that there will be rough days but I know the good times will outweigh the bad, just like the have for the past 30 years, but I’ll hopefully have a decade of love and light to keep close to my heart.

Not everyone gets to age so I will be respectful of each and every second I am given. I promise to try to make the most out of it. I promise to love with every ounce of my being. I promise to smile as often as I possibly can. I promise to always remember how lucky I am. I don’t want to be on my deathbed, whenever that be whether it’s a year from now or 50, looking back and wishing I had lived more. I will do whatever live I am capable of and I will be overjoyed to do so.

I implore you all to respect your time, too. Be proud of whatever age you are now and mindful of all of the time behind and before you. We are so lucky. 

Just a Thought

If you woke up today knowing that it would be the last day you had on this earth would you suddenly be full of panic and regret or would the life you lived have been enough? Okay, you’re probably not going to die today but you will die one day. The people you love will also die. This is a reminder that life is short. Our time is so fleeting.

Did you see enough? Did you do enough? Did you love enough? Did you get loved enough? Was it enough, or was it not enough? It probably isn’t ever really, truly enough but we have to make it be enough so our hearts can be full and we can live out our days as content as possible.

We can’t change the world, nor can we change other people. We can only change ourselves. We only have control over how we feel inside, so we have to make every single day count and make every second be enough. It might not always seem like it but you're in control. You hold the power. You have the ability to make your life what you want it to be.

Make your life enough.

Q+A #1

I recently asked on Facebook if you had wanted to know about me/my illness and I got this:
I'd like to know how have you accepted your condition at such a young age? Do you believe in god? How have you spiritually evolved over the years with your illness? I'd like to know how you feel when your friends get married/babies & you are ill? I'd like to know more about your spiritual journey.

I think what I’m going to say first might sound a little odd but when it comes with accepting being ill, especially when I was so young, I didn’t have a choice. I could have been angry, upset, sad and spent time feeling sorry for myself but I strongly believe that life is exactly what we make it. We choose how we live and how we feel and how we view the world so to me the only way to live is with a positive outlook and a happy heart. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel a little down sometimes because I do but for the most part I understand that I am exactly who I am meant to be and I am exactly where I am meant to be.

I think that getting sick, as hard as it can be sometimes, was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I was given a new outlook on life, one that showed me what life is all about and how I should be living. It gave me the opportunity to know what is most important in life. I focus on the big picture and focus my attention on family, love, light, kindness and joy. Those are the things that matter and getting sick allowed me to see that.

It’s allowed me to have an open heart, one that is compassionate and caring. Not that I wasn’t those things before but getting sick has made me a better person. I see the world and the people around me in a much different way. I’m very grateful for the lessons I have learned. I think I’ll do an entire post about this soon.

Religion isn’t something I would normally talk about but since I was asked about it I will. I am not a religious person, nor have I ever been one. I’m not really sure what I believe in; although, I do believe in something but I don’t necessarily believe in God or the traditional views of heaven and hell. I respect all religious views, however, and I find theology to be very interesting. I know a lot of people who are ill and take comfort in religion, but I’m not one of them.

As for how I feel about my friends getting married and having children, which is a great question! I was never that little girl who dreamed about my wedding and I didn’t grow up being a woman who ever even wanted to get married. I also do not want children, not that I could have any if I ever decided I wanted to. I do not have traditional views when it comes to marriage so when my friends get married or start their families I don’t feel jealous or upset that I’m not able to do that myself. I don’t think it’s fair, in any situation, for us to compare ourselves or the paths we are on to other people or the paths they’ve embarked on. We are who we are and that is good enough. If I was meant to be married or have children that I would be married and have children. You know what I mean? I am where I am meant to be and I’m okay with it. I will admit that when I first got sick I didn’t feel like I measured up to other people my age but all of those worries have floated away and I’m perfectly content with my life.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t sick, but I am so I’m okay with it.

Anyway, I hope that answered your question!