Disability Exam

Even though I have been unable to work for the past 5 years (whoa, I can't believe it's been that long!) I didn't apply for disability until recently. It took 4 years to get a proper diagnosis and I wanted to be armed with as much information as possible when I applied. Let me tell you, the process of applying for disability is insanely difficult. The paperwork alone is ridiculous but yesterday I had my physical examination and it was an awful experience.

First of all, the office was not the office of a doctor. It was a huge room with a single couch and then a small exam room. I'm not describing it well enough to paint you a creepy enough photo. Thank goodness my Mom was with me because I would have felt completely uncomfortable by myself. The man briefly acknowledged me when I walked in and said, "there is a form on the couch. Fill it out within the next 10 minutes." I filled it out but I don't know if I did a very thorough job. The questions were so confusing and difficult to answer.

Then he called me into the little side room and started asking me questions, aggressively. He made me feel very stupid and confused. He acted like I wasn't truthful and he didn't really let me speak. I missed out on telling him a lot of my symptoms like the weakness I experience, muscle spasms and tremors, losing time and the pins and needles I have in my legs. I even tried to tell him about the scary thing that happened to me at the coast (that I talked about in my last post) and he interrupted my story and didn't let me finish. Very few of the questions he asked me made sense and it was a really hard thing to go through. Then we did the physical exam. That part went as well as it could have, I guess. He hurt me a few times but all doctors hurt me when they poke and prod so that's not a big deal. He then walked out of the room and said, "that's it. Bye."

It was such an awkward and uncomfortable experience. I left feeling upset and mistreated. I keep dwelling on it and it's getting worse and worse. I really need to let it go, because I can't change what happened or the way I was treated. As my Mom keeps telling me, "the worst that is going to happen is that you're going to get denied and then we will have to hire a lawyer to help us appeal". I think most people have to do that anyway.

I think my biggest problem is the way that so many doctors have treated me. It is never okay to make someone feel small or stupid. I'll drop this now because I know I've talked about how I feel about the way some doctors treat their patients in the past.

I just don't understand how a doctor who obviously never read my medical file and spent 15 minutes with me can accurately judge my condition. I have an appointment with a psychologist for them to assess my memory and anxiety the day after my birthday. I hope that appointment isn't as terrible an experience as this one was.