Crazy Brain Chemistry

I try to keep my Facebook status updates as positive and upbeat as possible but I think this is the place where I should just let it all out. Every time I think I'm getting better I am only reminded that I'm wrong.

Last Friday was one of the worst nights I have ever had the misfortune of experiencing in my almost 27 years of life. My pain was so intense I could hardly even breathe. I hurt everywhere, inside and out. I cried hysterically for a few hours while my parents held me and comforted me. I ended up calming down after a full Valium and a Percocet (normally I just take half pills) and sleeping through the night.

My emotions, since quitting Cymbalta, have been so insanely up and down. I never had issues with my emotions before but now I'm sad and bawling one second and laughing uncontrollably the next. I'm getting angry and then indifferent within a matter of seconds. It's so crazy and incredibly embarrassing.

My Mom and I are now working on the process of appealing the insurances denial. Hopefully they will change their mind because I have had to quit another medication as well and all of them will be so much more affordable with insurance. I can go back on Cymbalta if they reinsure me because the copay will only be around $40.

However; do I really want to go back on a drug that has made me this miserable without it? Does that even make sense? If I do start it again I have to realize that it will have to be taken for the rest of my life, because if I quit I'll just have to go through all of this again. Here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Is it worth it to take a medication that makes me sort of better, but not very much better, and worse without it because of it affecting my brain chemistry? Hmm… I guess I'll just have to wait for the insurance to make a decision before I can make mine.