My Heart

When I was 20 years old I had heart surgery. It was a fairly simple cardiac ablation but it was still a really big deal in my life. After years of being in and out of the emergency room and cardiologists offices with no relief from a heart condition that was a huge part of my daily life I was finally getting fixed.

It started when I was in my second year of college. I would get really dizzy, light-headed, and unable to breathe. It continued for the rest of the year, progressing with each passing day. It got so bad that in my junior year of college my parents started taking me to the hospital when I had really bad attacks. I would stand up and fall over, unable to catch my breath or slow my heart down. My resting heart rate was around 180, which is more than double what the average heart rate for someone my age was. When I was having an "attack" it was upwards of 210.

So many doctors told me in the ER that there was nothing wrong with my heart since I was a 20-year-old girl and 20-year-old girls don't have heart conditions. After more ER trips than I can count I finally saw a doctor who diagnosed me with Supraventricular Tachycardia. In the most basic terms PSVT is essentially when the heart beats so fast that the heart muscle cannot relax between contractions and in turn can't supply enough blood and oxygen to the body or the brain.

I was put on Beta Blockers, which caused me to sleep the majority of my days away. I had the surgery that February (Valentine's Day, to be exact). Cardiac Ablation is where the doctor goes in through the femoral artery and cauterizes heart muscle and tissue to allow it to pump better. My surgery went well, with the exception of my artery bursting while I was in recovery. They keep firm pressure on the incision for a certain amount of hours after the procedure before you can get up and when my nurse helped me up my artery opened up and sprayed blood everywhere so I had to stay longer than expected.

Yes, that's me shortly after my surgery. I slept in this exact position for hours.
I woke up long enough to eat a roll and then went back to sleep.

My heart was "normal" for several years after my procedure and I'm thankful for those good years. However, my heart is getting worse and worse. I'm not sure if it's the same condition – actually, I don't think it is because it feels completely different. My heart stops, never for very long but long enough that it hurts and I lose my breath. I can't walk very far or up and down the stairs because I get very faint and can't breathe. After it stops it continues in a bird like fashion. I describe it as "fluttering". I have a hard time standing up and often fall to the floor and have to calm my heart and take in oxygen slowly before I can get going again.

In other words, I think I have the heart of a 90-year-old woman who is extremely out of shape. Since I'm still feeling angry and disappointed in doctors as a whole, I'm putting off going to a cardiologist but I have a feeling that one day I'll need another surgery. I'm enjoying the non-fluttery moments for now though.

15 for 2015

Stop shopping online so much.
I spend so much time shopping online, whether it be "window" shopping or actually clicking purchase. There are better things to do with my time than online shopping!

Keep up with laundry.
I always get overwhelmed with laundry. It would be so much easier to do each load as it becomes ready instead of waiting to do 20 loads all at once.

Take Cooper on more walks.
He's a good boy and good boys deserve lots of walks.

Take up a new hobby.
I say this every single year. I don't know why it never works out. Any suggestions?

Find ways to keep calm and have less anxiety, or develop new ways to cope.
Anxiety is a big jerk and I need to figure out how to keep it from bullying me.

Push myself outside of my comfort zone more often.
This goes with what I said above. I get such bad anxiety that I tend to just stick to what I know. I like to be home and in my safe place. You can't learn and grow, though, if you never push yourself and leave your comfort zone. I think I have been getting better at this since I've been making more of an effort to do things and interact with strangers but I still have work to do.

Read one book a week.
I love to read but when I'm in a really bad flare and I can't see right I have a really hard time reading so we'll see how this one goes.

Cut back on watching YouTube videos.
How dumb is this one? I honestly spend way too much time on YouTube and I'd like to cut back.

Make some new friends.
Easier said than done at my age. Anyone else think that making friends after college is one of the toughest things ever?

Spend less money.
I try to be a saver but tend to be a bit more of a spender.

Use up the products that I have and wear the clothes that are in my closet.
I have a tendency to want new products before I've used up my old ones and new clothes even though there is nothing wrong with the ones that I have. I think we all do this but I want to make a solid effort to use what I have.

Set a Beautiful Basics schedule and stick to it. Pick a set time to write and edit photos every day, like a real work schedule. Stick to a regular posting schedule as well.
I've been terrible at being consistent with my blog this year and I want to do a better job in 2015.

Make more of an effort to write and post on BYDLS.
It has been a struggle to keep up with BYDLS and I need to try harder to keep up to date.

Be kinder and more respectful to myself.
I am my own worst critic and I need to be kind and gentle with myself. We all need to be nicer to ourselves.

Cut back on salt.
I'm a saltaholic and salt isn't very healthy. I seriously salt everything and I want to cut way, way, way back on sodium. I think this is going to be tough. I've tried before but I constantly crave salt!

Do you have any resolutions or goals for 2015?